The Apiary


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Resident Apiarist Andrew "Soce" Singer informs us today that he now has "video proof that I've been traveling around the U.S. with Prince Paul and Mr. Dead to do that Scion doc ('The ReEducation of Prince Paul')." This is quite amazing, if only because it proves the Conan adage: "If you work hard and are kind, amazing things will happen." Soce had previously appeared in "Negroes on Ice," with Prince Paul's son, P.Forreal. And before all of that, there was this:

Congratulations, Soce! I can't wait to see the documentary.


The World Premiere of Miles Fisher

Can't get enough of this music video by Miles Fisher. Been listening to it on repeat for the last hour.

But it's more than just a clever concept video, it's an announcement. It's like, "TAKE NOTICE, WORLD! I'M MILES FISHER AND HERE I AM. YOU'LL WANT TO KNOW MORE, SO PLEASE CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE."

Conveniently enough, his YouTube page has a couple of high-production-value sketches that were just uploaded a few weeks ago, as if they were placed there because this is all a savvy personal marketing campaign that just launched. Here's one of them.



Mike Still: Dictator For Life @ The UCBT - 8.3.11

In Mike Still's one-man show, Dictator For Life, he plays a demented dictator named Mike Still, the overlord of an island nation in the midst of an Arab Spring.


--Over the past few years Mike Still has worked his way to the summit of improv mountain, becoming a clutch player in UCB Harold Night teams, musical improv groups and the theatre's Saturday night marquee squad, Death By Roo Roo. In Dictator For Life, he gets the stage to himself to show off some characters in his head and his versatility as a solo performer.

--In my favorite bit of the show, the stage goes dark, a smoke machine sputters, and Mike emerges from the fog in a lucha libre mask and black body suit as a yo-yo ninja who is shilling a video series called Secrets of Yo-Yo Revealed. The average person can now learn such yo-yo tricks like The Atomic Moonbeam, but Mike has paid the ultimate price for blabbing these secrets to the world: he's shunned from the yo-yo community and his street cred is in tatters.

Dictator for Life in the UCBT's inside window!


Is This the Oldest and Best Joke Book in the World?

I guess I could've just Googled "oldest joke book" instead of asking you guys, but this looks really old, right? I know for a fact though it's THE BEST because it's called "The World's Best Jokes." I found it at an estate sale in Ohio. Copyright 1941. Should I open it? Kind of afraid of what's inside...

To be continued!


Hot Tips To Help You Maximize Your Experience at the Borders Books Liquidation Sale

Now that every Borders bookstore in the country is closing and liquidating everything, it's time to go shopping! Here are some Do's and Don'ts to help you navigate their going-out-of-business sale.

DO: Hide everything you want to buy discreetly somewhere completely useless like the 2010 Wall Calendar section. Then wait 2 weeks for the 90% off sale.

DON'T: Take this opportunity to stock up on Robert Kiyosaki books. Here's a get rich quick secret: IT'S NOT HAPPENING!

DO: Begin thinking about a new store where you can spend your day sprawled across the floor, nursing a Gatorade, with spent LARA bar wrappers strewn around you. Kmart? 

DO: Make a sad face and a tear drop motion with your finger when you get in a conversation with a Borders employee about their job uncertainty.

DON'T: Knock over bookshelves "just for funsies."

DON'T: Reload your Borders gift card. 

DO: Think about what fixtures you need in your apartment. Chances are you'll go to Borders looking for a copy of the Hunger Games and come out with a barista counter.

DO: Sell everything you've just bought on Amazon for double.


Things I Was Offered to Cover Someone's Shift at The PIT

If you have the pleasure of interning at The PIT, not only will you SAVE BIG $$$ on your improv classes and learn some of the ins and outs of running a comedy theater, but you'll also get placed on a somewhat humorous email list introducing you to the lurid, backdoor black market of shift swapping.  Each intern is assigned a weekly time slot for 8 weeks and if something comes up one of those weeks, then you need to find someone to swap with you. These requests are generally accompanied by dramatic, unhinged emails with all caps subject lines like 'OH GOD SOMEBODY HELP ME' and 'I'M NEEDED AT MY 2ND COUSIN'S CHRISTENING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, WON'T ANYONE HAVE MERCY??' Here are all the offers I got over the past couple of months:
  • "I've got a friend who works at Baked by Melissa. I could hook you up with cupcakes. Or something other than pastries. It's really up to you."
  • "I can also bake some delightful treats for you."
  • "I'll give you donuts."
  • "I will buy you two beers after your shift. Or if you prefer, bring you cookies."
  • "I will totally swap a shift with you on a day I'm free, and buy you a beer or two. Best part, I'll be at the bar after the show when you get off of your shift. This means I can buy you the drink right then and there. Immediate gratification." 
  • "If anyone would be willing to cover for me, I would buy you so many coffees or anything cheap and legal you desire."
  • "I'll buy you a drink or a cookie or gum."
  • "I am willing to knit you either a hat or a scarf (well, as long as you're willing to wait for a few months.). Or if you hate knitted goods, I can buy you a drink."

Which would you take?



MEATSTEAK | Photo: Mindy Tucker

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Put Your Stinking Paws Together for The Apes of Wrath

I'm anticipating the debut of The Apes of Wrath, a promising-sounding musical written and directed by Mark Sarian that's scheduled for a UCB SPANK show on Thursday 8/4.  Mark tells us, "It has a lot of great UCB performers in it and is a lock to be better than Rise of the Planet of the Apes. And it's a musical! And we're using actual ape foam latex prosthetics!" (Sounds like it could use some CGI.)

The time is the near future. Apes supplant dogs and cats as household pets, and replace humans as waiters, landscapers, and even strippers. But during this tumultuous time, while apes secretly plan to overthrow their human oppressors, one universal constant remains: forbidden love.

FUN FACT: The Apes of Wrath is the title of a GWAR song. It's not my favorite GWAR song though.